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The Godfather Awards
Written by wrigleyville   
Friday, 29 December 2006
With apologies to the Sports Guy, welcome to the first annual Godfather Awards for the Chicago Cubs - looking back at 2006 and ahead to 2007, all at once. This year, the awards are based on Godfather II, Wrigleyville's favorite of the trilogy.

Without further ado...

1. Hyman Roth to Michael: I'm going to take a nap. When I wake up, if the money is on the table, I'll know I have a partner. If it isn't, I'll know I don't.

Winner: Carlos Zambrano. This is how I would approach the offseason if I were Carlos, who can name his price after the 2007 season. That leaves the question: Will the Cubs leave the money on the table for Big Z when he returns from his winter nap?

2. Kay: It made me think of what you once told me: "In five years the Corleone family will be completely legitimate." That was seven years ago.

Michael: I know. I'm trying, darling.

Winner: The entire Cubs franchise. We're 98 years and counting in this rebuilding plan.

3. Tom Hagen: He'll try Panama next.

Michael: Panama won't take him. Not for a million, not for ten million.

Winner: Sammy Sosa, who is training for a comeback in the Dominican. If Panama won't take him, maybe the Royals will.

4. Vito Corleone: I make him an offer he don't refuse.

Winner: Jim Hendry, for the contracts awarded to Alfonso Soriano, Mark DeRosa, Jason Marquis and Ted Lilly.

5. Michael: I saw a strange thing today. Some rebels were being arrested. One of them pulled the pin on a grenade. He took himself and the captain of the command with him. Now, soldiers are paid to fight; the rebels aren't.

Hyman Roth: What does that tell you?

Michael: It tells me they could win.

Winner: The Cubs. Are the Cubs the highly paid soldiers in this scenario or the upstart rebels? Hopefully the rebels, even though they were Marxist thugs in the movie. Which raises the question: Would you root for the Cubs if they were all Communists? Tough question.

6. Fredo: I'm your older brother, Mike, and I was stepped over!

Michael: That's the way Pop wanted it.

Fredo: It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!

Winner: Ryan Theriot, Ronnie Cedeno, Sean Marshall and Matt Murton. The Cubs brought veterans in to play all of their positions (pending the Cliff Floyd signing), leaving them on the bench, platooning or in the minors to start the year after significant playing time in 2006.

7. Michael: Fredo, you're nothing to me now. You're not a brother, you're not a friend. I don't want to know you or what you do. I don't want to see you at the hotels, I don't want you near my house. When you see our mother, I want to know a day in advance, so I won't be there. You understand?

Winner: Jacque Jones, but only if he's traded. Otherwise, never mind. (Note: I like Jacque Jones and think he's gotten a bum rap from Cubs fans.)

8. Fredo: Every time I put my line in the water I said a Hail Mary, and every time I said a Hail Mary I caught a fish.

Winner: Jim Hendry, who spent the winner saying - and throwing - Hail Marys to land free agents. Hopefully it works out better for Jim than it did Fredo, who was whacked the next time he went fishing.

9. Hyman Roth: I loved baseball ever since Arnold Rothstien fixed the World Series in 1919.

Winner: Our White Sox friends out there.

10. Hyman Roth: Good health is the most important thing. More than success, more than money, more than power.

Winner: Mark Prior, Wade Miller, Derrek Lee and Kerry Wood. May God (or the Godfather) bless them with good health in 2007.

11. Michael: I know it was you Fredo. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!

Winner: Feel free to enter your nominee in the comments section for the best scene in the movie (because I didn't come up with anything good). Winner gets to feel good about himself. Or herself.

Our winners can pick up their awards at the Corleone compound in beautiful Lake Tahoe.

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