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Bill Simmons: Patriots Won, So All Is OK
Written by wrigleyville   
Monday, 17 September 2007
Bill Simmons takes to heart the old adage that the best defense is a good offense (and short of that, be a stark-raving jackass so people stop listening to you). In today's harrangue, he turns his turdery on NBC, Al Michaels, John Madden, Cris Collinsworth, NBC's cameras, Andrea Kramer, LaDainian Tomlinson, Norv Turner, Peyton Manning, Kordell Stewart, and more. In doing so, he actually writes the following: Is there a chance -- just a chance -- Belichick has gotten a little paranoid in his old age, and since an undermanned Jets team played them closely in all three Pats-Jets games last season, he spent the spring and summer wondering if Mangini had figured out a way to steal their signals, so he decided to tape their coaches in Week 1 to see if that was true? And then he got caught? Um, no. And: If this pattern of inappropriate behavior had been happening for six years, wouldn't they have been caught before Sept. 9, 2007? Wouldn't a league filled with coaches and executives who obviously hate and resent the Pats have been dying to blow the whistle on them? Wouldn't one disgruntled ex-Pat over the past five years (and there have been many) have blown the whistle on them just to stick it to Belichick? And are we honestly supposed to believe nobody else was doing this? Um, OK. So now snitches are OK? And: The Patriots cheated in one game. Yep, just one. No more. Sure. Never mind that the same guy got kicked out of Lambeau last year. And then there's this doozy: We live in a world in which global-warming activists charter private jets to take them from speech to speech, then tell people not to use so much toilet paper. We live in a world in which American kids are getting killed every day in the Middle East and nobody will mobilize a valid protest until the President finally decides, "We're having a draft lottery." We live in a world in which you can Google the female star of the most popular Disney TV movie ever and see her naked, and NBC runs a popular show in which they trap potential child predators and film the confrontations on TV. We live in a world in which high school kids can decide they don't like another high school kid, so they can build an anonymous slam page and libel the hell out of him, and even though this happens and keeps happening, we still don't have any set-in-stone Internet laws to prevent this. We live in a world in which Perez Hilton and TMZ.com get their own TV shows, but "Friday Night Lights" is two months away from getting canceled. We live in a world in which every home run record from the past 10 years has to be taken not just with a grain of salt, but an entire salt shaker. Yep, bad things happen in a bad world. So let's compare apples to zucchini and conclude "My coach is OK because the Patriots whipped the Charges on national TV!"

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