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Bill Simmons Thinks The Ladies Like Bill Simmons
Written by wrigleyville   
Friday, 03 October 2008
In today's NFL picks column, Bill Simmons imagines strippers are checking him out: Right now, I'm writing this column and eating corn pancakes at -- you guessed it! -- the IHOP on Sunset and Mansfield. Two strippers are sitting 10 feet away from me, discussing their next month of gigs and occasionally sneaking me those "If you have enough money on you right now, we might add you to the list of gigs" looks. Perhaps, though I imagine strippers who just got off work and are eating at the IHOP probably aren't all that interested in the goofy guy with the laptop. This comes after he imagined Anna Kournikova spent any time at all thinking about him: I played it a little differently, glancing at her quickly, waiting for her to make eye contact, then glancing away like I wasn't impressed, hoping it would piss her off (like she would give a crap). We headed into the lounge to throw some water on Jamie, and not even a minute later, they were standing right behind us again and she was defiantly making eye contact -- almost like a Fembot, like she was thinking, "I'm Anna Kournikova, if you don't look impressed within the next three seconds, I'm going to shoot you with my jublees." If you say so.

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