Greg Couch of the Sun-Times completes the infantilization of the Cubs franchise and its fans (which, admittedly, was not a hard task):

If the stories are true, and if Tom Ricketts really did meet his wife in the Wrigley Field bleachers and really did have an apartment above a bar in Wrigleyville and really does love the Cubs, then this is right. At least as far as we can tell.

WV23: Actually, this doesn't matter at all. I'm certain George Steinbrenner did not meet his wife in the Yankee Stadium bleachers. Nor did he have an apartment above a bar in the Bronx. He was a shipping magnate from Cleveland.

Even so, the Yankees did OK with George at the helm.

The new Cubs owner needs to be someone who not only knows how to make money, but also feels the joy that Cubs fans know and, more importantly, feels the pain.

WV23: Yes, because decisions are best made in an emotional state. Any of the best business schools, marriage counselors and driving instructors will tell you that.

He needs to know why winning a division, and only a division, is failure.

WV23: Fine. But I really did enjoy 2008. And 2007. And 1984. And 1989. And 1998. And 2003. Winning a World Series would be really, really super, though.

He needs to know why the Cubs shouldn't be operating a ticket scam, scalping tickets to their fans.

WV23: Probably not, but these revenues pay for things that keep Cubs fans from being sad - and, in the long run, from being division-winning failures.

He needs to know that the Cubs are not fictional characters ...

WV23: This presumably was covered in the psychological exam portion of the background check.

... that Wrigley is not just a place to be seen or to have a big frat party ...

WV23: Um, OK. Has he said otherwise?

... and that a goat is just a goat.

WV23: And they are not ficitional characters. Except for that stuffed lamb that camera crew stomped on in Mesa last year.

(Discussion of deal challenges ahead) ...

But this appears to be it, another big and scary directional change in Cubs history.

''My family and I are Cubs fans,'' Tom Ricketts said in a news release Thursday. ''We share the goal of Cubs fans everywhere to win a World Series and build the consistent championship tradition that fans deserve.''

We don't really know how good of an owner Ricketts will be, but it's a good start when the 19th and 20th words out of his mouth are ''World'' and ''Series.''

WV23: This was actually a written statement, but what do you expect him to say? That a second place NL Central finish is sufficient as the pinnacle of his ownership?

Though Doug Melvin would say he wants to finish with a better record than the Cubs over four-year increments and have the best record in divisions in which his team does not compete.

It would be nice, too, if the 30th and 31st words are ''Jake'' and ''Peavy.''

WV23: I don't care when he says it, but it would be nice. Super, even.

The hope is that it's a beautiful mix of heart, smarts and big checks. But who knows? So much goes on behind the scenes.

WV23: With smarts and big checks, heart is really irrelevant.

...

But we have to stop now, as Greg goes on and on and on and on about heart and how it is needed to run the Cubs, as if the American Heart Association should be the general manager.

(As always, with apologies to FJM, RIP)