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Alan Barra of the Wall Street Journal has done the impossible: He has written the worst sports column of 2009, besting (worsting?) the good people at the Chicago Tribune.
It has all of the hallmarks of a bad column (now updated with a new point No. 4):
1. A bad premise ("The case for Derek Jeter, MVP")
In the movie industry, many recipients get an Oscar years after they really deserve one, and often as a kind of lifetime achievement award. Paul Newman, for instance, took one home in 1987 for his performance in "The Color of Money," and Martin Scorsese in 2007 for directing "The Departed." Both could just as easily have been given the Academy Award several times earlier in their careers. Baseball's Most Valuable Player awards are no different, and the New York Yankees' Derek Jeter might well wind up as baseball's Paul Newman for the 2009 season.
The MVP award is not a lifetime achievement award. And Jeter isn't even the best - or, presumably, most valuable - player on his team.
2. Questionable command of facts/use of statistics.
The Yankees currently have the best record in the major leagues, and many observers think the primary reason is Mr. Jeter, who, at age 35, has rebounded from a subpar 2008 season to one of his best years ever. He's done it against all expectations--no team with a 35-year-old starting shortstop has won a World Series since the Yankees with Phil Rizzuto in 1953.
Interesting. But the Yankees still haven't won a World Series since Jeter was 27. So Rizzuto is still the king of 35-year-old shortstops.
Mr. Jeter has been batting at or around .330 since spring, and--with about 30 games still to play--he has hit more home runs than in any season since 2005. He is running the bases as he did years ago, with a stolen-base success rate of more than 80%. His critics have always focused on his fielding, where by most objective yardsticks he has ranked as mediocre or worse. But this year, according to John Dewan, author of "The Fielding Bible," "Derek Jeter is having the best year defensively since I began tracking him with defensive metrics in 2003."
So he's having the best year of a bad to mediocre fielding career? M-V-P! M-V-P!
No one would argue that Mr. Jeter's statistics are better than those of Minnesota catcher Joe Mauer, the current favorite in the MVP sweepstakes, who is leading the American League in batting (around .370), on-base percentage and slugging average. For that matter, there are several players, particularly Detroit's Miguel Cabrera, who are outhitting Mr. Jeter in batting average and have better power numbers.
The case for Mr. Jeter as American League MVP is being made by more subjective arguments. "How do you measure the value of inspiration and professionalism?" asks Marty Appel, author of "Munson: The Life and Death of a Yankee Captain." "Some people will argue that intangibles don't exist, but in the ninth inning of close games everybody believes in them."
So Mauer doesn't have intangibles? Cabrera doesn't? Mark Teixeira doesn't? What about someone who can't hit or field a lick but has off-the-chart intangibles? Like Ghandi?
4. (Updated) Misplaced credit.
Thurman Munson's and Mr. Jeter's personalities were different; Munson was surly and pugnacious, while Mr. Jeter still projects the image of boyish enthusiasm he had as a rookie in 1995. But, says Mr. Appel, the two share one important characteristic: "They both lead by example and performance. They helped make their teams better just by being there. No one ever slacked off with either of those guys on the field." To which Mike Ozanian of Forbes.com adds: "Jeter has been the anchor on a team that could have been derailed by injuries to key players like Alex Rodriguez. Winning has to count for something."
When Alex Rodriguez returned to the lineup May 8, the Yankees were 13-15 (.464, in third place and 5.5 games out). Since that day, they are 73-33 (.689, in first place and 7.5 games up). So, yes, it was clearly Derek Jeter that needs to be credited for the winning.
5. Pure nonsense.
Winning and consistency have been Mr. Jeter's trademarks throughout his 14 seasons as a Yankee starter. He's been the linchpin for six pennant and four World Series winners. The Yankees have been the winningest team in baseball since he was given the shortstop's job, and are the odds-on favorites to go all the way this year.
What about Jorge Posada? He's never been MVP, and the Yankees have been the winningest team in baseball since he was given the catcher's job - and are the odds-on favorites to go all the way this year.
He has more hits than any shortstop ever, having passed Luis Aparicio a few weeks ago, and he will soon pass Lou Gehrig on the all-time Yankees hit list. He is on pace to threaten Pete Rose's all-time record of 4,256 career hits.
What? Wait ... what? This last bit is what stopped me dead in my tracks while reading this column the other morning.
After going hitless Thursday night, Derek Jeter has 2,713 hits. He is 35 years old, as we discovered earlier.
That means he is 1,543 hits shy of Rose. That means he needs 220 hits a year until he is 42 to catch Rose. That means he needs 154.3 hits a year until he's 45. That means he needs 1,543 hits a year until he is 36 (or just next September 3).
In short, how in the world is he "on pace to threaten Pete Rose's all-time record"? Unless, of course, he's on steroids.
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