Lee Elia, Call Your Office

Just when Alfonso Soriano and Lou Piniella debates threaten to ruin all that is pure in the world, Ozzie Guillen comes along to remind us that lineup critiques and crazy managers are not solely restricted to Chicago's north side:

"Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups -- 'Call up this guy, call up that guy.' ... If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That's what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media: They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [stuff] in town. Now we're [bleep]," Guillen said to the aforementioned Chicago media before the game.

Guillen observed that Chicago still loved the Cubs, even though they have not won a World Series since 1908, but the White Sox -- winners of the 2005 World Series -- did not receive the same affectionate support.

"We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]," Guillen said, according to the Chicago Tribune. "The Cubs haven't won in [100] years, and they're the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win.

"We are the [bleep] of Chicago. We're the Chicago [bleep]. We have the worst owner [Jerry Reinsdorf]. The guy's got seven [bleeping] rings, and he's the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner."

Good times.

Ozzie Guillen, Feeling Inadequate

The Crazy One is making up for something (you can figure out what) and it is manifesting itself in less than healthy ways:

Guillen on the lack of respect accorded Williams: "People forgot how good Kenny was for four years. People forgot he didn't finish worse than second. It's a funny thing about this game. We win the World Series and Kenny makes three key moves to winning, and the guy in Cleveland [Shapiro] wins the Baseball America Executive of the Year. That's a bunch of s---.''

And:

Guillen on his "hate-love'' relationship with Williams: "Last year Kenny and me stuck together. We fought together. We sat together. We were upset together. We blamed each other. We found out who was behind us and who wasn't. Ninety-nine percent of the people weren't behind us. Hey man, this game is a bunch of frontrunners. If you're good, they kiss your butt. If not, you're horse s---.''

And:

Guillen on White Sox chairman Jerry Reinsdorf: "The media in Chicago should kiss Jerry Reinsdorf's butt every day, because he put sports back on the map in Chicago. He won six rings with the Bulls and he has one in baseball, and he helped build the new ballpark and a new basketball court. Nobody gives him any credit, and I don't think that's fair.''

And:

Guillen on how he'll react if the Sox win another title: "We made a big mistake when we won in 2005. We never took credit. Me and Kenny, we just did our jobs and never went out of our way to rub it in people's faces that we were the champions. If we win it again, I'll be a cocky, arrogant, SOB. I'll be wearing my World Series rings hitting fungoes in the field.''

Well, then.

Checking In With The Loony Bin

Cubs Blog Coast Guard charter member The Other Fifteen has our first Ozzie Guillen update of the spring, including Chris DeLuca noting Ozzie toned it down last year. Unless you count this and this - which really are pretty tame by Ozzie standards.*

* Ozzie Guillen remains No. 1 atop the Wrigleyville23 craziest Venezuelan list.

No Wonder Ozzie Is Crazy

His wife is hanging out with much younger, much richer men (1:12 a.m. post):

How did Cabrera find out he'd been traded? Ozzie Guillen's wife told him. Guillen's wife and Cabrera's wife are close friends. So when Guillen called his wife to tell her that Cabrera had just been traded, she replied: "Guess what? He's sitting right next to me. I'm driving him to the airport."

Just kidding, Ozzie. Don't go crazy. Please.