Carlos Rests, Fashion Gets Day Off

The world misses out on Carlos Zambrano in pink shoes and a pink glove for Mother's Day, due to the rain.

Forbes: Cubs Fifth Most Valuable Franchise

The Chicago Cubs are the fifth most valuable Major League team, worth $642 million. The Yankees, Mets, Red Sox and Dodgers are the top four, according to Forbes.

Carlos Zambrano is the ninth best pitching value for the buck (or 15 million bucks). Brandon Webb and Jake Peavy are No. 1 and 2.

Finally, Forbes has this to say about Wrigley Field:

Traveling to Wrigley Field, the National League’s oldest park, should be a daylong experience. Stay in downtown Chicago—the InterContinental, Ritz-Carlton and Peninsula are all expensive but fabulous—and bypass the city traffic by taking the Red Line on the “L” to the ballpark. Show up early and hit Murphy’s Bleachers for some pregame bar food and beer. Watch the first inning there, and then walk over to the box office to score some tickets. The best seats are the bleachers, and they’re among the toughest tickets to get.If the box office doesn’t have any, scalpers on the street should be able to accommodate you. Once inside, grab a hot dog and an Old Style beer, a Wrigley tradition. After the game, head over to Casey Moran’s for more drinks with the diehard Cubs fans.

Memo To Cubs: No Crap (Or Doo-Doo) From Myers Tonight

Brett Myers, who faces Big Z tonight in Philly, is displeased with his performance to date (0-1, 6.30 ERA). But not to worry; he has a plan: Less crap.

"I've just been flipping crap up there," Myers said. "It wasn't working. I've got to put some type of aggression behind it."

Why wasn't he?

"I don't know," he said. "In spring training, I was doo-dooing stuff up there, and I was getting outs, so I figured I could take it into the season. Well, guess what? It doesn't work, because when the lights go on, it's a little different."

For the uninitiated, "flipping crap" and "doo-dooing" are terms of art in the baseball world.

Big Z Is Confused

Carlos Zambrano apparently thinks it's June. Then again, he gave up three earned runs in five innings in my inaugural MLB The Show game today. I wasn't real thrilled with that.

The Wrigleyville23 Comment Of The Day

Today's Wrigleyville23 comment of the day comes from another Brewers fan:

"Any chance USA Today misunderstood the quotation, and they meant to say "Emotional ass?" Har." - AP, reacting the the "emotional ace" posting.

I only selected this one to increase the likelihood that Carlos sees it (he's a big reader) and kicks AP's ass.

Hoo Hooo! Carlos Is Funny

Big Z welcomed Kosuke Fukudome with a number trick, and it was a real knee slapper:

MESA, Ariz. (AP) -Kosuke Fukudome walked into the Chicago Cubs' spring training facility and cameras clicked at his every move. He stopped by manager Lou Piniella's office for a brief handshake and then got a first glimpse of his new teammates.

His welcome to the big leagues moment came immediately, courtesy of a prank by Carlos Zambrano. Zambrano had pulled Fukudome's familiar No. 1 jersey over his broad shoulders and Fukudome found a No. 11 hanging in his locker instead.

"I was surprised there was an extra 1,'' Fukudome said.

Zambrano suddenly pulled off the No. 1 shirt, handed it to Fukudome and greeted him.

"That was a welcome,'' Zambrano said. "Just let him know we are his family and he can spend a good time this season with us. He can help us and can feel comfortable here with the Cubs.''

Fukudome probably knows karate, so Carlos should be careful.

Carlos Zambrano, "Emotional Ace"

USA Today describes Carlos Zambrano as the "Cubs emotional ace." I first read it to say that emotionally, he was the ace. Upon re-reading, it is clear they mean he is an ace who is emotional.

Which is to say he's crazy.

Oh, and he's the Opening Day starter - despite what he said previously.

Canada Wants You To Know Dempster Is Canadian

Just to prove that all journalism - like politics - is local, the Canadian Press weighs in with this headline:

"Canadian Dempster says Cubs will win World Series, end century-long drought"

Wrigleyville23 now is considering whether to identify people by their nationalities in every post - and every time their name is mentioned. As in: "American Lee caught the ball" or "Dominican Rarmirez is dedicated to cock" or "Venezuelan Zambrano slays batter in sixth inning."

Big Z Thanks Jesus For Talent

The big fella credits the Big Fella for his becoming a big star, and he never once slips into third person.

How can you not love Carlos Zambrano, by the way? In discussing "The Big Z: The Carlos Zambrano Story," Big Z says:

"At first, nobody thought I would become anything like the baseball success I became," Zambrano said in the story. "I was too clumsy and skinny. So I started out as a benchwarmer who played only during garbage time." But thanks to my faith in God, my hard work and God-given talent, I became what some people call a big star." Zambrano also said that it keeps him humble to remember where he came from." Hopefully, my book will inspire other kids who started out poor like me that they can also be a success with talent, hard work and faith in Jesus Christ," he said.

Amen.

Wanted: Leadership

While it would have been more timely to write this over the weekend, I wanted to take a couple of days to digest the sheer crapfest that was the Chicago Cubs post-season and share my thoughts about the season that wasn't.

Overall, my reaction to the Cubs' post-season performance was "not surprised." While many fans waved signs reading "Believe," I just couldn't. This team displayed none of the characteristics of a championship team. The talent was there, especially to win in the National League. But did anyone who watched this team for an extensive period of time this year ever get the impression that this was a team of destiny?

Teams of destiny tend to overperform, not underperform. Teams of destiny are focused, and want to win. So as the Cubs look to build for next year, the things they need are the things that will be toughest to find -- desire and leadership.

Simply put, this team has no personality. That's not to say that it is a team devoid of personalities. There is Carlos' craziness and Soriano's playfullness. But as a whole, this team is like a guy sitting on a couch at a college party who doesn't seem to care that his girlfriend is making out with another guy. They're just terribly unmotivated, and nothing seems to really faze them.

For example -- after the team endured a horrible first two months, Lou had to suggest to Derrek Lee that they have a players only meeting. Two straight months of terrible baseball, and the manager had to suggest a players meeting. And that pretty much tells me all I need to know about this group. A manager can be responsible for a lot of things, but it shouldn't be his responsibility to make the players care.

I don't know what the fix is to this situation, but I know that signing A-Rod or any other number of high profile moves won't address the underlying problem. So while the focus will remain on what the big 3 of Soriano, Lee and Ramirez failed to do on the field in the playoffs, I believe the focus should be on what they failed to do in the clubhouse all season. Namely, lead. And if they continue to abdicate that responsibility, then maybe it's time to find them homes somewhere else.

Big Z To Get A Good Rest

Well, at least Carlos Zambrano will be well rested for his next start.

He'll be pitching on 180 days rest.

ESPN Blaming Zambrano?

In the video section of ESPN.com right now, the Cubs story is headlined "Webb Tops Zambrano; Diamondbacks Win Game 1."

Did Webb really top Zambrano? When Big Z left the game, it was 1-1. Both Webb and Zambrano gave up one run. Both more or less dominated the hitters, after some early trouble for Carlos.

A more accurate headline would be "Webb tops Marmol" or "Cubs Hitters Don't Hit" or "18 People Stay Up To Watch Diamondbacks Win."

Good News On Cubs Rotation, Roster

Steve Trachsel, Sean Marshall, and Craig Monroe are left off of the postseason roster - and Jason Marquis will be working out of the bullpen in long relief. That leaves Big Z to pitch Game 4 (if necessary, of course).

Mets Cost Themselves $20 Million? (Updated)

Darren Rovell just reported on CNBC's Power Lunch that the New York Mets cost themselves as much as $20 million by not making the playoffs - give or take a few million. The point being, it's good business to make the playoffs.

This is the same Darren Rovell, however, who said the Cubs' signing of Carlos Zambrano for $91.5 million over five years didn't make any sense because they are adding debt while they are trying to sell the team.

At the time, we asked whether it was actually good business to sign a good pitcher at a bargain cost (compared to the free agent expense in the offseason) - thereby making the team more valuable.

Now, given Rovell's argument, we would ask whether the Cubs are more apt to make the playoffs each of the next five years with or without Zambrano's double-digit wins. If the answer is "yes," doesn't the signing begin to pay for itself (albiet not entirely) at some point?

Update: Actual feedback! Darren Rovell writes in with this explanation, which makes sense:

"I was saying that it was not a good idea to sign Zambrano if the Tribune wanted to maximize the value of the sale. That's still very true and getting into the playoffs for the next five years won't matter if the goal is to sell the team now. In other words, you can't amortize the costs if the new owner is supposed to come at the end of this year (which he won't)."

He was looking at it from Trib standpoint, while I was looking at it from the new owners' perspective. Or, more likely, mine. Because I'm the one that matters. Which is why Darren is on TV and I'm not.

This One Goes To Eleven

Eleven. 11. E-lev-en.

Forget this one game at a time crap. It's the single games that have always doomed the Cubs (game 5 against the Padres and games 6 and 7 against the Marlins, anyone?).

Therefore, we believe the Cubs should take it 19 games at a time the rest of the year - and just plan on winning 11 to be World Series champs. It's a perfect plan. Now it's up to them to execute, because we're the big picture guys here at Wrigleyville23.

But if they need help getting there, this is how we suggest getting it done: Five wins for Carlos, four wins for Lilly and and two wins for Rich Hill. That way, you don't need anything from Jason Marquis, who apparently left his arm in early August.

So simple. Now, go get it done.

Please.

Even Carlos Isn't This Nuts

The world's craziest Venezuelan proved once again today why Carlos Zambrano has no hope of ever becoming anything more than the world's second craziest Venezuelan (he's currently fourth).

Hugo Chavez has decided Venezuela will adopt Daylight Savings Time. Great! He wants to push clocks back half an hour. Fine.

So what's the problem? He wants it done on Monday. This Monday coming up. He decided it today.

Explains El Presidente:

"I don't care if they call me crazy, the new time will go ahead, let them call me whatever they want," Chavez said on his weekly TV show. "I'm not to blame. I received a recommendation and said I liked the idea."

(Hugo has a weekly TV show? Carlos needs one of those, too.)

Anyway, it seems that this five-day plan isn't fully baked:

In his live show, he called on his brother, the education minister, so that the two men could explain the measure. But they mistakenly told Venezuelans to move their clocks forward at midnight on Sunday, when the policy is to move them back.

I just hope Lou has someone explain to Carlos this policy is only for Venezuelans living in Venezuela. Otherwise, who knows when he'll show up for his start next week.

Carlos Contract Considerations

Before reaching the $91.5 million agreement, perhaps the Cubs and Mr. Zambrano should have considered the fact that he would have to pitch at Wrigley Field somewhat regularly over the next five years.

Or he could have asked for a reverse Clemens-like clause, wherein the fourth craziest Venezuelan would only attend away games. Because it just too hard to pitch at home.

Big Z Pitching Like A Real Pitcher

Perhaps Mr. Zambrano should get in fights, tiffs or altercations before every start. Earlier this year, the spat with One Nut turned his season around (temporarily). Apparently going to war with the fans earlier this week may be doing the same.

So, the question is: Who is willing to take one for the team and piss Carlos off once a week or so?

Two Angry Men

I'd like to see Carlos Zambrano and Tom Tancredo in a cage match. Tancredo is a very weird, very angry man who hates foreigners. Zambrano is a very crazy foreigner who is very strong.

Good times.

(This is what happens when I click back and forth between the Cubs game and the Republican presidential debate.)

I'm Sorry, So Very, Very Sorry

The United States to Japanese Americans (or American Japanse?) in World War II internment camps. The U.S. Senate for the nation's history of lynchings. Mike Nifong to the Duke lacrosse team. That time I pushed my brother down the stairs.

Now, Carlos Zambrano has bravely come forward to do as so many before him have - to say he's sorry. Big Z apologized to Cubs fans a day after his Labor Day meltdown.

"First of all, I want to apologize to the Cub fans," Zambrano said. "There were moments yesterday when I was angry. Human beings, when they're angry, they say a lot of things they shouldn't say. I am human. I made a mistake. The good thing about myself is when I make a mistake, I know I have to apologize and I know I have to do the correct thing. It's coming from my heart. I love these fans, I love Cub fans -- they're the greatest fans in baseball. They have the right to boo people, to do whatever they have to do. They've been waiting for 98 years [for a world championship]. Sometimes we don't do a good job, and they get frustrated."

On behalf of all Cubs fans in Delaware County, Pennsylvania, I accept your apology. In fact, I deem it wholly unnecessary. I know you are the fourth craziest Venezuelan. And you're an emotional guy. You say what you think. Good for you.

That said, I would like to do some apologizing of my own. It's good for our relationship.

First, I apologize to Carlos for calling him the fourth craziest Venezuelan. He probably is the third craziest Venezuelan and we've been selling him short.

I apologize to Antonio Alfonseca for thinking "It takes you six fingers to throw that pitch?" (He only gets one apology, though I thought it every time he did it.)

I apologize to Kyle Farnsworth for thinking you were a good pitcher just because you're a good fighter.

I apologize to Michael Barrett for giggling when he lost half of his junk. And for calling him "One Nut" all season.

I apologize to Rex Grossman for saying he is the Ronny Cedeno of the NFL. He is actually the Corey Patterson of the NFL. He does just enough well to make you think he's worth a damn.

Finally, I want to apologize to all of the Cubs. Not for caring too little, but for loving too much. It put unnecessary pressure on the relationship and led to unreasonable expectations. For that, I am deeply, deeply sorry.
That's all for now. I'm feeling better already. Feel free to add your own heartfelt apologies. It's cathartic.