Video Of Ozzie Guillen, Lou Piniella Rapping

Rap
by bsap11

So, to recap: Ozzie is South side. Lou is North side. Got it. Also, Wrigleyville is East Coast, yo.

Thank you to Awful Announcing for this piece of brilliance.

It's A Venezuela Thing

Wonder what they talked about, other than Carlos being broken:

Carlos Zambrano and Sox manager Ozzie Guillen, both of Venezuela, dined at the pitcher's home after Friday's series opener.

Piniella said he no problem with that. "They're both from Venezuela. They're both competitive guys," he said. "There is nothing wrong with it. As long as you compete on the field. And believe me, Zambrano competes on the field. And so does Ozzie."

Guillen told Zambrano, sidelined with a strained shoulder, to go on the DL. "He's my friend," Guillen said. "Sometimes players think the front office tries to be against you. The best thing for him is to relax a little bit."

Told of Guillen's "suggestion," Piniella said, "I don't blame him, actually."

I don't have a problem with it, either, though it made me wonder: Both teams are based in Chicago. Is it that hard to get together when they aren't playing each other?

Cub Fandom Is "Inexplicable"

My hometown newspaper, The Philly Inquirer, takes a little shot at Cub fandom while covering the Ozzie Guillen meltdown:

If Low & Outside had a vote for manager of the year, the White Sox' Ozzie Guillen would get it every year. Guillen's mouth is a constant blog. By that we mean obscenities, stupidity and bad grammar spew forth regularly. This weekend, the Windy City's long-standing and inexplicable love affair with the Cubs, who have not won a World Series since Teddy Roosevelt was president, set off the volatile skipper.

Inexplicable? Maybe it's because the Cubs are one of two franchises to win 10,000 games - and not the only franchise to lose 10,000 games.

Lee Elia, Call Your Office

Just when Alfonso Soriano and Lou Piniella debates threaten to ruin all that is pure in the world, Ozzie Guillen comes along to remind us that lineup critiques and crazy managers are not solely restricted to Chicago's north side:

"Right now everyone in Chicago is making lineups -- 'Call up this guy, call up that guy.' ... If we had 50 people allowed on the roster, we could do that. That's what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media: They forget pretty quickly. A couple of days ago we were the [bleeping] best [stuff] in town. Now we're [bleep]," Guillen said to the aforementioned Chicago media before the game.

Guillen observed that Chicago still loved the Cubs, even though they have not won a World Series since 1908, but the White Sox -- winners of the 2005 World Series -- did not receive the same affectionate support.

"We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]," Guillen said, according to the Chicago Tribune. "The Cubs haven't won in [100] years, and they're the [bleeping] best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse[bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win.

"We are the [bleep] of Chicago. We're the Chicago [bleep]. We have the worst owner [Jerry Reinsdorf]. The guy's got seven [bleeping] rings, and he's the [bleeping] horse[bleep] owner."

Good times.

Ozzie Guillen, Feeling Inadequate

The Crazy One is making up for something (you can figure out what) and it is manifesting itself in less than healthy ways:

Guillen on the lack of respect accorded Williams: "People forgot how good Kenny was for four years. People forgot he didn't finish worse than second. It's a funny thing about this game. We win the World Series and Kenny makes three key moves to winning, and the guy in Cleveland [Shapiro] wins the Baseball America Executive of the Year. That's a bunch of s---.''

And:

Guillen on his "hate-love'' relationship with Williams: "Last year Kenny and me stuck together. We fought together. We sat together. We were upset together. We blamed each other. We found out who was behind us and who wasn't. Ninety-nine percent of the people weren't behind us. Hey man, this game is a bunch of frontrunners. If you're good, they kiss your butt. If not, you're horse s---.''

And:

Guillen on White Sox chairman Jerry Reinsdorf: "The media in Chicago should kiss Jerry Reinsdorf's butt every day, because he put sports back on the map in Chicago. He won six rings with the Bulls and he has one in baseball, and he helped build the new ballpark and a new basketball court. Nobody gives him any credit, and I don't think that's fair.''

And:

Guillen on how he'll react if the Sox win another title: "We made a big mistake when we won in 2005. We never took credit. Me and Kenny, we just did our jobs and never went out of our way to rub it in people's faces that we were the champions. If we win it again, I'll be a cocky, arrogant, SOB. I'll be wearing my World Series rings hitting fungoes in the field.''

Well, then.

Checking In With The Loony Bin

Cubs Blog Coast Guard charter member The Other Fifteen has our first Ozzie Guillen update of the spring, including Chris DeLuca noting Ozzie toned it down last year. Unless you count this and this - which really are pretty tame by Ozzie standards.*

* Ozzie Guillen remains No. 1 atop the Wrigleyville23 craziest Venezuelan list.

No Wonder Ozzie Is Crazy

His wife is hanging out with much younger, much richer men (1:12 a.m. post):

How did Cabrera find out he'd been traded? Ozzie Guillen's wife told him. Guillen's wife and Cabrera's wife are close friends. So when Guillen called his wife to tell her that Cabrera had just been traded, she replied: "Guess what? He's sitting right next to me. I'm driving him to the airport."

Just kidding, Ozzie. Don't go crazy. Please.

Ozzie Is Williams' Cover

Of course Ken Williams signed Ozzie Guillen to a contract extension. Ozzie makes him look level-headed, by comparison.

Ozzie Is Nuts, Chapter 4,735

Remember, none of the White Sox mess is Ozzie's fault. None of it. Got it?

Need proof? Consider:

"It's embarrassing day in and day out to do the same stuff," Guillen said. "People are blaming our pitching staff, but the offense comes along and puts more dirt on the grave. Everyone in that room should look in the mirror and be embarrassed."

And:

"We've got a $100 million payroll and they don't show it on the field," Guillen said. "If this keeps up, bring on the Double-A kids. They're killing me. They're killing my family, my coaching staff and the White Sox fans. I hope they care the way we care. I'm tired of seeing this [expletive] every day."

Killing his family? What about his dog?

DLee Grand Slam Wins It For Cubs

No wonder Ozzie Guillen hates playing at Wrigley so much, and perhaps he shouldn't have let A.J. play in this game, either. Anyway, another nice come-from-behind win for the Cubs.

Venezuela: They Make Them Special

In a revision to Wrigleyville23's earlier craziest Venezuelan list, we must add Ugueth Urbina -who was sentenced to 14 years in prison for attacking workers at his family's ranch with a machete and pouring gasoline on them.

Without further ado, here is the latest craziest Venezuelan list:

1. Ozzie Guillen.

2. Hugo Chavez.

3. Ugueth Urbina.

4. Carlos Zambrano.

If Ozzie Guillen is unable for whatever reason to fulfill his role as "craziest Venezuelan," the title will fall to Chavez. And so on.

Ozzie Guillen, All (Cl)Ass

What's with the White Sox management? A year ago, Ken Williams (left) needlessly dumped all over the Big Hurt. Now, Ozzie Guillen (right) goes on and on and on and on about Brandon McCarthy, who had the temerity to say something mildly critical of the Sox clubhouse (not that anyone really noticed - until now).

Guillen responds by saying:

"I don't see Neal Cotts talking about me, I don't see Freddy Garcia talking about me," said Guillen, who also revealed he called McCarthy into his office last season about his late-night habits. "I don't see Timo [Perez] or Sandy Alomar Jr. or any of those guys. I think it was an unnecessary comment he made."

And:

"When he says it was hard to fit in the clubhouse, when you have teammates like Paulie (Konerko) and Ross Gload and Jim Thome and (Jermaine) Dye, when you talk about clubhouse, I can say there's only one [jerk] in the clubhouse, and he's one of my buddies and that's A.J. [Pierzynski]."

And:

"I don't want to say bad things about A.J., it's just one guy who is hard to get along with. He's my friend, I love A.J. to death. When you make comments about how you feel when you go to another clubhouse and all of a sudden Ozzie's lying. They think we're fake. We're not fake. We treat people here fair. We treat people here with honesty."

And:

"I think Brandon should look himself in the mirror. I say, 'Who is the bad guy in the clubhouse?' Then say it. You played with us 162 games and all of a sudden you leave and say you don't have a friend in the clubhouse, only Brian Anderson? Well, he picked the wrong guy to be friends with. People forgot that Brandon McCarthy got caught a couple of times out at night. I called him into my office and said, 'You been hanging around the city a lot, huh?' I said, 'I don't have a spy on you, but I know a lot of people in the bars in Chicago. I've been here for 20 years, and they will tell me everything.'"

Loony Tunes.

(I inexplicably called him "Jose Guillen" the first time I posted this. Heh.)